Open Up & Find Your Strength

This week has been a challenge for me,
and I've had a hard time pinpointing exactly where my leak in peace is coming from.
My frustrations and doubts have intensified each day until I
finally felt more overwhelmed than anything else.

As I left for yoga class Wednesday morning,
I worried that this heavy feeling would come through and I would be unable to offer a truly inspirational and rejuvenating practice for my wonderful students.
Because the class is a power yoga class,
I try to be especially conscious of  the many reasons people come to their mats.
As I pondered what I would WANT from a teacher on a day like today,
my heart softened and I felt open to the peace that comes from mindful stillness.
I did not know 'what' I was going to teach,
but I knew my heart was open and ready to find, and offer, peace.

Because I have some old shoulder injuries,
I spend time in class coaxing students to pull their shoulder blades into their spine, stack their shoulders, and open their chests.
As we entered our first down dog, I encouraged the class to pause and really set their posture in strength and stability.
Though I have said the words many times,
at this moment this gentle guidance spoke to my own soul:
pull your shoulder blades back,
open your chest,
square your shoulders;
 let your head hang as your spine finds length and
space in the strength of your shoulders, arms and legs.

I realized that in the uncertainty of my husbands current unemployment and the urgency I felt in knowing how to proceed with my own goals and desires,
I had done what is often done in yoga when a posture gets a little difficult-->  
shoulders begin to round and  jaws clench...
we might hold our breath as we power through, finally collapsing in stress in Savasana!             

When postures get challenging or are outside of our personal practice, it is not uncommon to see a student leaning forward and closing up their chests. This closing down, shrinks the capacity of both the chest and heart. The common phrase, "My heart's just not in it" is a representation of both a mental and a figurative state of mind. When our heart is not in the game-
ability decreases, motivations vanish, and joy is diminished.

A Warrior II/Side Angle flow can lead into Bird of Paradise, a more advanced posture!
Often, in a the haste to challenge themselves and attempt this advanced posture,

Bird of Paradise by Ashely Rideaux

a student may sacrifice the very form and shape that will give them the strength and stability needed for balance.
With rounded shoulders and chest towards the ground, a student is looking down-->
they may get into Bird of Paradise, but chances are it will be short lived and feel a little chaotic.

I have always appreciated the value and importance of chest openers- of opening that very special space that houses our hearts! The power that lies at the center of our upper body is unmatched:
It is our hearts that share love.
It is only through an open heart that we can accept love.
A' softened heart' is full of compassion, forgiveness and mercy.
A 'gentle heart' radiates kindness and tenderness.
Common idioms suggest someone might have a 'Heart of Gold' or the 'Heart of a Lion';
our best efforts are accomplished 'with all our heart',
and when we truly want to be sincere with someone, we have a 'heart to heart'.

Any security or confidence we feel comes from our heart- it is through our hearts that we access our greatest strength.
In life's greatest challenges, a danger lies in closing down our hearts and powering through.
Great life lessons are learned when we trust ourselves to trust the process;
this ability to trust comes from the heart,
a strong heart that knows the way when all paths seem dark or dangerous.
Trust in yourself, trust that your heart will lead the way!

Last week in class, I shared this thought while my class was standing in tree:

Retrieved from: http://thedailyquotes.com/post/20379 via pinterest

Later, I found a beautiful thought about a baby bird being pushed out of the nest so it could learn to fly. The author continues offering this application to our own life struggles:

"Many of us have been pushed out of the nest. Something unexpected happened, and our world changed. We may have fought valiantly to get back in the nest, to return to the safety of  life as we knew it. But life had pushed us out. We had no choice but to flap our wings and learn to fly the best we could... . You flailed around a bit, wondering who to trust... Finally, you understood. The very lesson you were learning was that of trusting yourself. When life pokes and prods you, it's not punishment or abuse. You're being pushed out of the nest. Spread your wings and take flight. See how well you can fly!"

Melody Beattie, Journey to the Heart, pg. 50

If balance seems elusive, confidence is waning, or joy is nonexistent- take a quick check in on your heart. Have your shoulders sunken, your eyes cast downward, your heart compressed? Open up! Like an eagle preparing to soar through the skies, open your arms wide, set your chest forward and allow your heart to do the rest- as you leap out of the comfort of the nest, you just might take flight for the journey of your life!

It's Been a Warrior Week

If there ever could be a bi-polar manifestation in my life,
This week would be it!

As last week came to a close, I had a heart so full of gratitude that I could think of NOTHING to ask for in prayer & fasting.
In place of requests, I had nothing but desire to express my heart felt and grateful praises.

In less than 24 hours time, that gratitude shifted to an overwhelming feeling of fear, failure and hopelessness! The shift was so sudden that I actually experienced a physical nausea from the emotional roller coaster.

As I have pondered this experience, I have tried desperately to understand, not only what happened (so I can avoid its repeat) BUT how to dig out of the hole I fell in.

In this very real world sometimes things won't go right-won't be perfect-and won't work out on the first try. Keeping a big picture perspective allows us to know that these times WILL pass but they have a place in our lives and we can't rush the process. It is in these moments of feeling down that we truly learn to appreciate the successes, good times and joys of life.

Last week in my yoga classes, I shared some thoughts that had inspired me. One dear student requested that I blog the mind practice I had shared. As these feelings overcame my heart, I had a difficult time putting the thoughts from class in written form.
After a long chat with my hubby this morning, where I was FINALLY able to put my feelings into words, I had peace restored to my soul. With this freedom came a paradigm shift to my long held beliefs on mindfulness and the power of the present moment.

Prior to the difficulties of this week, I have been adamant that living in the present moment is the key to feeling peace and contentment. I'm a big believer that we need to avoid living in the past and stay away from dwelling in the future- fear, anxiety, doubt, and hate are all manifestations of living outside of the here and now.
This thought process was challenged for me this week. Looking into the past and looking forward to the future, I knew my life was wonderful, peaceful and full of potential, but it was the here and now that felt too big to overcome.
With so many emotions and with a VERY heavy heart, the message I shared in class last week had a new meaning to my heart-

You have to take the good with the bad,
Smile when you're sad,
Love what you've got
And remember what you had.
Always forgive,
But never forget,
Learn from your mistakes
But never regret,
People change,
Things go wrong,
Just remember life goes on.

I realized that no matter how hard we try, things WILL go wrong and our strength may give way to our weaknesses AND we might come head to head with thoughts and feelings that seem to come rushing at us all at once and hit like a ton of bricks to the gut...

It is in these moments that we are brought to face ourselves head to head- and if we humble ourselves we can come out righteous and strong, just like the Warrior pose-
We go to yesterday in an effort to forgive and learn, but not forget-
And we think on tomorrow knowing our potential has no limits and we will win the battle!

In some way, I add some version of Warrior postures into my practice.
Warrior 1 is  a good posture to begin a standing series for many reasons.

Image Source

 

Warrior 1 is a representation of a yogi's ability to "overcome their own ignorance...  if you attempt to stay in it for any length of time, you'll confront your own bodily, emotional, or mental weaknesses. Whatever limitations you have, the pose will reveal them so that they can be addressed." Man, does this explain how I felt this week!!

We've been adding Humble and Proud Warrior to our practice for several weeks.
Proud Warrior is a slight back bend, our eyes directed to Heaven...
Proud Warrior remembers all that we have; our talents, achievements, strengths and joys are a gift from above.
In a smooth and controlled flow, we take our bow into Humble Warrior
(a posture requiring core stability, strength & balance)
Humble warrior realizes that we can only tap into our full and divine strength and potential when we bring ourselves to complete and honest humility.

As things started to crumble this week, I realized that they hit me so hard because I was taking each hit personally. I accepted a position of pride thinking I, alone, am in control. Somehow, I allowed myself to think I could have stopped the destruction, could have prevented the pain. In my pride, I took my gaze off the heavens- my source of strength, and took on a pure defensive approach. I gathered all my weapons and went to war- which left my body and soul feeling a lot beat up.

When I applied the application of Proud Warrior in my life practice, and took my gaze to the heavens, my perspective returned and I realized I am not in control! I can only pray and hope that lessons will be learned and wisdom will be gained from hardships AND good times!
With this perspective, I could flow into my bow and assume Humble Warrior-- accessing all my strength while standing in complete submission to the flow of the Divine.
I, alone, can do nothing. But I, with my higher self (with my Heavenly Father) am limited by nothing at all.
The secret to having it all is knowing that you already do.

And friends,

Oxnard, CA 2013

I know I already do :)

A Spoonful of Sugar...

It is common practice in our church to dedicate the first Sunday of every month to fasting and prayer. My family and I have often offered specific and unified prayers for special blessings or needs we may be seeking. Concerns over health and strength or special desires for insight are often the subject of our fasting and prayer.


This is an opportunity for our spiritual selves to overcome our physical selves. I have come to discover the unique blessing this has been in my own life and in our family as a whole.

As May was drawing to a close, I reflected on the month and pondered what I might dedicate my June fast to. I realized that, with all the chaos in our home right now, I was most in need of offering a prayer of Gratitude! A trial that I have ALWAYS viewed as the ONE thing I did not think I could survive happened to our family at the end of March. Rather than beating me down and causing me to fret and fright each and every morning, noon, and night (which is my habit), I have felt peace, joy, and an overwhelming sense of privilege for such a trial! As the days have turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I see what a gift this is for my husband, my family and myself!

It felt very good to declare that I had no needs nor special concerns that were more important than the awareness I had of all the small and mighty beauties that had filled my life in April and May. As I had journeyed throughout the months of April and May, I had taken stock each day  of the sweet hand of the Lord in my life. I was overcome by the small and simple things that can bring us joy if we just open up and see them for what they are.

I believe these gifts of bounty are manifest in each of our lives. I also believe that we must be in the right mindset, otherwise there is a good chance we won't recognize that which is right in front of our faces.We need to open our hearts to see the world, our lives and our experiences in a way that is contrary to public habit. When we look at what we lack, it is very difficult to see our abundance. There is no lesson that I spend more time teaching my kiddos than that "Happiness is a Choice" and choice is the only thing in this life that we truly have complete control over.

retrieved from www.contentinacottage.blogspot.ca/2013/02/abraham-lincoln-quote-about-roses.html

If we only see the trial, it may be impossible to watch the hand of Mercy come in and prepare a path to beauty that never before seemed possible. This is the power of stepping back and looking at what we THINK we see with new eyes- a better perspective.

retrieved from http://www.justgrowalready.com/2013/08/reader-mail-how-do-you-react-to-setbacks.html#.Ule1JieVOS

 We can complain about the rainstorm, or we can dance in the rain.

My beautiful daughter with a determination that knows no bounds

After the storm, the rainbow WILL come, whether we choose to see it or not. The person who runs inside, angry about the storm that ruined the picnic is sure to miss the beauty in that very brief moment when the sun and the storm intersect. But he who chooses to dance in the rain, is sure to bask in the glory of what can only be created in full grandeur AFTER a storm!

Photo taken in McKinney, TX by friend Lisa Wood

Bloom Where You Are Planted

I have been thinking about this for several days
and decided that the thought needed to be put
into writing- maybe just for me-
but hopefully for you too.

I am almost 100% sure that I am not the only
mom/woman/human/adult (pick your noun)
who worries about the life they are living
and if it is the life they should be or COULD be living!

I have been really been struggling since we made
this most recent move!
It's been almost 2 years, for crying out loud-
and I just can't seem to get any semblance of
BELONGING!

Honestly it is the weirdest thing...
I wish I could explain it without sounding WEIRD!

Anyway,
I have offered many prayers on this matter and
a few days ago, I feel that I got a mini-answer
Maybe not an answer,
but definitely a little bit of an understanding.

You see,
I feel like I've been holding back since we moved to Texas-
definitely not on purpose,
and definitely not on everything...
but I've been holding back those things that I love-
love to share, love to create and love to do!

For 9 years we lived somewhere that we loved-

Our beautiful home in small town MN

kind people, great friends, awesome experiences!

Pig Roast in a garage- classic MN entertaining venue

I loved to decorate, craft, scrapbook, sew

Ten years of Ornament Exchange ornamentation- my favorite tradition EVER!!

and mostly I loved to host...

Andover Ward Ten Year Anniversary

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING-

I loved to find a reason to have a bunch
of people together laughing and having a good time!

6th Annual 4th of July Bike Parade

We had a lot of space,

Human Foosball at our 'Nothing Like a Good Friend Party'

a lot of flexibility

Ice Hockey on our Front Yard Pond

and it was simply what I LOVED to do...

Every good Bike Parade ends with a game of Water Baseball

I started hearing some pretty unkind criticism of
the things I loved to do,
and I noticed that I started to hold back and feel
anxious when I wanted to host a party or an activity-
I tried so hard to not allow the unkind remarks of some
to influence my heart,
but I fell prey to human emotion
and the remarks left a sting.

And then we moved...
No one knew me, which meant
no one knew what I did in my spare time
or what talents or skills I had or didn't have

and I found that I became a different version of ME!

We became Beach Bumms to the MAX

To be honest, I liked this version of me quite a bit too...
weekends at the beach,

Muscle Beach... always a FAV

Any Day is a Beach Day

lunch with friends, shopping in the city-
my husband has teased that I was on a 3 year play date :)

And because I felt like a blank slate,
I incorporated some things into my life that I hadn't
taken enough time for before-

Yoga moved from an exercise routine to a way of life

Over time, I started to add some of the old me back
into my life and things were really starting to click
that this could be my new HOME!

Pasta Parties before a Swim Meet

Kids in the Kitchen cooking classes

AND THEN WE MOVED AGAIN!

and I feel like a clean slate that just doesn't dare to be
inked up or colored on.
But I also feel a little lost and a lot lonely-


Now I want to take a minute to say, that
there are some things that I have added to my life
because of where I am emotionally that I LOVE-

So I'm not a male accordion player- but I do spend a lot of time in peaceful contentment

and honestly I wouldn't trade these things for the world-
or for either of my past lives!
 
But it doesn't change the fact that I feel a little disconnected...

So as I was praying one day,
desperate for guidance or understanding,
I envisioned a beautiful flower-

alone in a meadow.
Though the flower was alone amongst all the green foliage,
it was blossoming in it's full glory-
big, colorful and full of God's splendor.

I realized that not for one moment did that flower
hesitate to bloom,

never once did it question how long it
would be able to sustain that blossom nor did it ask
how many people would get to see it's beauty-

The flower blossomed because it was time
AND that is what it was created to do-
to reach it's full potential,
to magnify the measure of its creation.

I thought about this ALL day-
and I asked myself a lot of questions.

Why am I holding back?
What am I holding back?
Who am I waiting to give me permission to live the life
I want to live?
Why do I think it matters where I live to fulfill the full
measure of MY creation?

I loved this visual aid that Heavenly Father gave me.
I do better when I can SEE the lesson-
and I could SEE this!
Not only could I see the flower imagery,
but I could apply it into my own life.

I understand a little more why I feel so disconnected
AND more importantly,
I understand what I need to do to fix it-

I need to consider my life as a wonderful journey-
similar to a walk in a park with little kids!

My kiddos could walk along and gather
anything and everything-
rocks, sticks, leaves...
At the end of the day they were the same
beautiful kids they were at days beginning
(probably a little dirtier)
BUT they had gathered a lot of little treasures to take home with them!
Some treasures we keep,

It's not what you do, but who you do it with that really matters

some we outgrow or leave behind

These treasures moved on to their own bigger and better...

and some are precious enough to display...

Some people come into your life long enough to make a forever imprint on your heart

I just happen to be walking through a much larger park :)

I just need to remember that we have gathered some amazing treasures over the years

Enjoy your day
Enjoy where you are right now
And never let a single day pass by
without living up to the full potential of THAT DAY

My Mom's Kitchen

I actually can't remember a whole lot of food from my moms kitchen. 

It's actually kind of sad because I know she was a good cook, 

but its been a really, REALLY long time since she passed away 

and I just can't remember. 

I do remember that her mom made 

Split Pea Soup with a Ham Bone- 

which looked really gross to me but was supposedly really yummy!

I also have memories of sitting on the rolls 

several Thanksgivings in a row :(

I do know that my mom made a really yummy punch 

which I LOVED

and she had a beautiful punch bowl that she used to serve it

When I was sick, 

she made me homemade Tapioca pudding. 

I haven't eaten that since she died- 

it was just never the same when you have to make it yourself :(

So why can't I remember what we ATE??????

Well, one day I had a memory of her BLT Sandwiches. 

She would toast the bread,

and layer the Bacon, Lettuce & Tomatoes on top!  

I probably have eaten one or two in the 31 years since she passed. 

Well I have been craving them something fierce- 

so I caved in and allowed myself some bread- 

WHITE CIABATTA BREAD!

Ciabatta, Bacon, Tomato, Lettuce & Avocado

I pause for the gasps and lectures to cease!! 

I added my own little modern day twist- 

and used Pesto instead of Mayonnaise...

Keep in mind my mom was gone long before 

gluten free, sugar free, and no preservative diets were the norm

I have to say, that for a guilty pleasure, it was WORTH IT! 

Holy Cow that's a case of a HUGE piece of Lettuce!

Like really worth it. 

Like so worth it, I had it a second day in a row 

AND I felt no regret. 

At least no regret until I woke up with swollen fingers-

Back to being Good-

Oh, but it was soooo YUMMY!

A Rare Splurge at Lunch. Aaaahhhh

Set The Example and They Will Follow

One sleepless night,
I sat up and browsed Pinterest-

You can easily tell when I have insomnia
because that is the only time I do my "pinning"
Instead of the random one or two pins after
I've searched for a yummy recipe,
I will have 6,000+ pins in a single day
(or night-
I often lose track during insomnia bouts)

Anyway,
One sleepless night,
I came across this quote

   
    

and this quote



and I have been thinking a lot about these for
the past few weeks!
 

My life is a whole lot different than
it could have been! I feel like there have
been several times in my life where I
had divine help to get me on the right track
and lots of helping hands that worked
tirelessly to KEEP me there.

I had an amazing mom who loved unconditionally,
and who touched everyone who came into her
circle of influence.
Though she passed away at a very young age,
she had a huge impact on the type of person I wanted
to be when I grew up.

At her funeral, and for years after, people
would recognize me as Paula Reese's daughter
and share stories of her love and kindness with me!

I wanted desperately to be that kind of person!!

So when I saw these quotes,
I really started evaluating how my influence
is impacting my own children.
I wonder if I am patterning my life in such a way
that they will have a desire to do good because that's
what they see in my life?

Though I can think of a zillion things I am ashamed of,
I do have a few habits and traditions that I know my kids
are very grateful for and hope to be able to maintain
with their own families.

It's a tall order to think that what we do today
makes an impact on the future-
not just our own children,
but their children and so on...

Go about and get busy becoming who you
want your kiddos to be-
that's my summer challenge!
We will have fun,
for sure,
there will be water, sun, movies and staying up late-
but I think,
this summer,
I will consider SHOWING my kids what
manner of people I want them to be!

Life & Yoga Part 1

I have practiced yoga for many years. 

I love what it does for my body, 
but more than anything, 
I love what it does for my spirit.

In my opinion, the yoga instructor can
make or break a practice. 
The encouragement and the thoughts they
provide throughout class can increase the level
of calm in my very chatty brain

OR 
increase the chaos and distraction
in my body and mind!
I choose CALM,
thank you very much!

This is Ashley.
 
I took her yoga classes faithfully for several years. 
She is absolutely beautiful in mind and in spirit. 

Life is the same as a yoga class in many ways-
If you have a good leader,
whether it is a peer, mentor or spouse-
who can lead you and guide you through
the many twists and turns of life,
your growth and development can reach
new heights all the while enjoying peace and calm.

I have been influenced by many people for good,
some only for a what seems like a minute,
others have been with me for years.

But it is their gently touch on my soul that  
will last a lifetime.

Happy New Years- 2013

I know, I know,
to some people this seems a little late!

Some people are already well on their way
to accomplishing their goals for the New Year.

Well not me,
I learned several years ago that I just
wasn't very good at setting and
KEEPING New Years Resolutions.

And then I figured out why,
it's not that I am a bad goal maker
or a bad goal keeper
or even a bad goal accomplisher...

it's that I need to give myself time to
recover and reflect before I make a
bunch of plans to renew!

When I make my goals after the holidays,
I concentrate on "repair" type goals
or "reaction" goals- things to put my life
back in order after the chaos of the busy
holiday season.

You know the ones:
* Lose 5-10 pounds (or more)
* Exercise More
* Keep my house clean
* Organize my closets...

But what I have found is if I give myself
a recovery time;
time to get my feet back underneath me,
time to clean up Christmas,
get the hubby & kids back in a routine,
than I am able to focus on things that really
matter- that will REALLY make me a better
person. NOT perfect,
but definitely closer to who I want to be!

Usually I wait for the kids to return to
school and my hubs to return to work.
I give myself one week to recover from
holidays, get the house cleaned up
and my routine back and running.
I aim for the third week of January to get started,
but if for some reason, I need another
week, I give it to myself.
I don't rush myself,
because I am planning my own personal
work of art---
ME!! (that sounds self centered, but I promise, it's far from it)

In the meantime, I ponder & I pray!
I am going to say, I put A LOT of thought
into my New Years Goals and
I am also going to say
"It is Totally Worth It"

We plan goals in four areas:
1. Spiritual
2. Physical
3. Mental
4. Personal
(this year I added an extra one)
5. Family (I am the only one tracking
this one in our home, and the only one 
that knows about it- sneaky huh??)

Last year, I bought a special journal
for tracking my goals and it worked
WONDERFULLY-
I am doing it like this from now on.

I keep four sections, one for each area,
and than write my goals for that area.
I leave enough room for tracking and
any journal or note taking I might need.
And on a regular basis (you decide what regular
is to you) I checked up on myself and
recorded my progress.

I LOVED it!!! LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it!!

If you haven't made New Years Resolutions yet,
or you never make them- I honestly
would suggest you try this.
It is NOT too late. Who says the Year of YOU
has to start on January 1??

I will tell you all about my 2012 goals tomorrow!
It was seriously an amazing year!!