Step off the Merry-Go-Round

This month,

Okay, I admit, this year... 

Has been cra-cra!! 

In case you don't know what that means, I've provided,

for your learning pleasure,

a great list of synonyms-->

    disorder, disarray, disorganization, confusion, mayhem, bedlam, pandemonium, havoc, turmoil,

    tumult, commotion, upheaval, muddle, mess, hullabaloo, hoopla, train wreck... 

This list is NOT exhaustive by the way,

but I think you might get the point-

The reason for this cra-cra year you ask?? 

Well, honestly,

I don't know! Really, it's just LIFE

Life Happened!! & I'm sure it has happened to you at one time or another as well- 

It is so easy for life to get a lot out of hand- 

And it is soooooo hard, to find a way to rein it in and feel a little less, 

well, CRA-CRA!! 

I LOVE this TED talk about Family-Life-Work Balance-

The line that speaks to me- and probably at some level speaks to you- is

"If you don't design your life someone else WILL design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance" 

Mr. Marsh goes on to advise, "never put the quality of your lives in the hands of" _________!

I left the spot blank, because honestly, we could all fill that blank in with any number of words-

work, bosses, neighbors, church... 

I don't think we mean to do it, 

but for some reason we give out a lot of our freedom to choose

how we want to live, how we want to feel, how we want to ENJOY! 

Somehow, our way of thinking has convinced very rational & bright adults

that they have to buy a Timeshare Property in a place where residents

work harder & stay longer and where task lists motivate them to do more- 

But all this harder, longer, more is not to get ahead like the brochure package says-

It's a harder, longer, more just to barely keep their residents' heads above water! 

And rather than buying a timeshare that only gets visited once in awhile, 

a majority of these adults are conned into buying permanent property in 'Too Busy-ville'! 

What no one realized,

is that the kids in Too Busyville don't like it and they want OUT. 

Their parents don't smile, 

they don't have fun; as a matter of fact,

NO ONE here really even talks to each other-

so what do the kids in Too Busyville do? 

Well, they rebel and move next door to 'Pretty Idol-ville'.

Parents get worried and want to entice their kids back home, 

so they enroll the run-aways in sports, teams, clubs, lessons, and private instruction--> 

Until everyone here is just so busy that hours blend into days, 

days into weeks and weeks into months... 

It's really all a very crazy cycle- and one that a lot of people just want off- 

I've always affectionately referred to this busy-ness 

as an out of control Merry-Go-Round- and I've begged to get off!

Photo retrieved from Pinterest

**An interesting side note here-

there are NO Merry-Go-Rounds (the old fashioned kind) 

anywhere in our town anymore! 

Why? Because they are TOO DANGEROUS! 

Now that's Karma 

Each day, we ALL do a little work and a little learning-

And EACH DAY, we ALL do a little play. 

I am loving this new arrangement- 

we are getting some long overdue chores completed

AND we have plenty of time- 

Time for family, friends, exercise and QUIET time!! 

So today, as bright and early as I could convince my kiddos to wake up, 

Beautiful Children enjoying a Beautiful Morning

we went to Dallas for the Dallas Farmer's Market. 

This is truly one of my favorite if all time farmers markets, 

second only to Santa Monica- 

and in all honesty Santa Monica wins only because of the beach! 

(oh, and the live Andy Grammar concert on 3rd Street Promenade)

This is what we all needed- 

we laughed and smelled the flowers,

we held hands and tasted EVERYTHING, 

This kind man came with the sign

 we simply enjoyed life and each other! 

I absolutely LOVE the hand written signs

As we turned and left the market,


the city of Dallas was straight ahead,
Just a hop, skip, & a jump away-

It is a beautiful place to be,

and it has it's purpose-

But this little sign,

My clue to go back the way I came and get a brownie :)

 represented how I felt about the busy world around me- 

a simple caution warning that what lies ahead is very different

than where we were- 

I know that sometimes you need to enter 'Too Busy-ville"-

I've spent many a day there myself-

but don't stay too long-

and definitely don't buy property-

It's okay to enjoy a little extra time in 

Balanced-ropolis! 

 

Open Up & Find Your Strength

This week has been a challenge for me,
and I've had a hard time pinpointing exactly where my leak in peace is coming from.
My frustrations and doubts have intensified each day until I
finally felt more overwhelmed than anything else.

As I left for yoga class Wednesday morning,
I worried that this heavy feeling would come through and I would be unable to offer a truly inspirational and rejuvenating practice for my wonderful students.
Because the class is a power yoga class,
I try to be especially conscious of  the many reasons people come to their mats.
As I pondered what I would WANT from a teacher on a day like today,
my heart softened and I felt open to the peace that comes from mindful stillness.
I did not know 'what' I was going to teach,
but I knew my heart was open and ready to find, and offer, peace.

Because I have some old shoulder injuries,
I spend time in class coaxing students to pull their shoulder blades into their spine, stack their shoulders, and open their chests.
As we entered our first down dog, I encouraged the class to pause and really set their posture in strength and stability.
Though I have said the words many times,
at this moment this gentle guidance spoke to my own soul:
pull your shoulder blades back,
open your chest,
square your shoulders;
 let your head hang as your spine finds length and
space in the strength of your shoulders, arms and legs.

I realized that in the uncertainty of my husbands current unemployment and the urgency I felt in knowing how to proceed with my own goals and desires,
I had done what is often done in yoga when a posture gets a little difficult-->  
shoulders begin to round and  jaws clench...
we might hold our breath as we power through, finally collapsing in stress in Savasana!             

When postures get challenging or are outside of our personal practice, it is not uncommon to see a student leaning forward and closing up their chests. This closing down, shrinks the capacity of both the chest and heart. The common phrase, "My heart's just not in it" is a representation of both a mental and a figurative state of mind. When our heart is not in the game-
ability decreases, motivations vanish, and joy is diminished.

A Warrior II/Side Angle flow can lead into Bird of Paradise, a more advanced posture!
Often, in a the haste to challenge themselves and attempt this advanced posture,

Bird of Paradise by Ashely Rideaux

a student may sacrifice the very form and shape that will give them the strength and stability needed for balance.
With rounded shoulders and chest towards the ground, a student is looking down-->
they may get into Bird of Paradise, but chances are it will be short lived and feel a little chaotic.

I have always appreciated the value and importance of chest openers- of opening that very special space that houses our hearts! The power that lies at the center of our upper body is unmatched:
It is our hearts that share love.
It is only through an open heart that we can accept love.
A' softened heart' is full of compassion, forgiveness and mercy.
A 'gentle heart' radiates kindness and tenderness.
Common idioms suggest someone might have a 'Heart of Gold' or the 'Heart of a Lion';
our best efforts are accomplished 'with all our heart',
and when we truly want to be sincere with someone, we have a 'heart to heart'.

Any security or confidence we feel comes from our heart- it is through our hearts that we access our greatest strength.
In life's greatest challenges, a danger lies in closing down our hearts and powering through.
Great life lessons are learned when we trust ourselves to trust the process;
this ability to trust comes from the heart,
a strong heart that knows the way when all paths seem dark or dangerous.
Trust in yourself, trust that your heart will lead the way!

Last week in class, I shared this thought while my class was standing in tree:

Retrieved from: http://thedailyquotes.com/post/20379 via pinterest

Later, I found a beautiful thought about a baby bird being pushed out of the nest so it could learn to fly. The author continues offering this application to our own life struggles:

"Many of us have been pushed out of the nest. Something unexpected happened, and our world changed. We may have fought valiantly to get back in the nest, to return to the safety of  life as we knew it. But life had pushed us out. We had no choice but to flap our wings and learn to fly the best we could... . You flailed around a bit, wondering who to trust... Finally, you understood. The very lesson you were learning was that of trusting yourself. When life pokes and prods you, it's not punishment or abuse. You're being pushed out of the nest. Spread your wings and take flight. See how well you can fly!"

Melody Beattie, Journey to the Heart, pg. 50

If balance seems elusive, confidence is waning, or joy is nonexistent- take a quick check in on your heart. Have your shoulders sunken, your eyes cast downward, your heart compressed? Open up! Like an eagle preparing to soar through the skies, open your arms wide, set your chest forward and allow your heart to do the rest- as you leap out of the comfort of the nest, you just might take flight for the journey of your life!

It's Been a Warrior Week

If there ever could be a bi-polar manifestation in my life,
This week would be it!

As last week came to a close, I had a heart so full of gratitude that I could think of NOTHING to ask for in prayer & fasting.
In place of requests, I had nothing but desire to express my heart felt and grateful praises.

In less than 24 hours time, that gratitude shifted to an overwhelming feeling of fear, failure and hopelessness! The shift was so sudden that I actually experienced a physical nausea from the emotional roller coaster.

As I have pondered this experience, I have tried desperately to understand, not only what happened (so I can avoid its repeat) BUT how to dig out of the hole I fell in.

In this very real world sometimes things won't go right-won't be perfect-and won't work out on the first try. Keeping a big picture perspective allows us to know that these times WILL pass but they have a place in our lives and we can't rush the process. It is in these moments of feeling down that we truly learn to appreciate the successes, good times and joys of life.

Last week in my yoga classes, I shared some thoughts that had inspired me. One dear student requested that I blog the mind practice I had shared. As these feelings overcame my heart, I had a difficult time putting the thoughts from class in written form.
After a long chat with my hubby this morning, where I was FINALLY able to put my feelings into words, I had peace restored to my soul. With this freedom came a paradigm shift to my long held beliefs on mindfulness and the power of the present moment.

Prior to the difficulties of this week, I have been adamant that living in the present moment is the key to feeling peace and contentment. I'm a big believer that we need to avoid living in the past and stay away from dwelling in the future- fear, anxiety, doubt, and hate are all manifestations of living outside of the here and now.
This thought process was challenged for me this week. Looking into the past and looking forward to the future, I knew my life was wonderful, peaceful and full of potential, but it was the here and now that felt too big to overcome.
With so many emotions and with a VERY heavy heart, the message I shared in class last week had a new meaning to my heart-

You have to take the good with the bad,
Smile when you're sad,
Love what you've got
And remember what you had.
Always forgive,
But never forget,
Learn from your mistakes
But never regret,
People change,
Things go wrong,
Just remember life goes on.

I realized that no matter how hard we try, things WILL go wrong and our strength may give way to our weaknesses AND we might come head to head with thoughts and feelings that seem to come rushing at us all at once and hit like a ton of bricks to the gut...

It is in these moments that we are brought to face ourselves head to head- and if we humble ourselves we can come out righteous and strong, just like the Warrior pose-
We go to yesterday in an effort to forgive and learn, but not forget-
And we think on tomorrow knowing our potential has no limits and we will win the battle!

In some way, I add some version of Warrior postures into my practice.
Warrior 1 is  a good posture to begin a standing series for many reasons.

Image Source

 

Warrior 1 is a representation of a yogi's ability to "overcome their own ignorance...  if you attempt to stay in it for any length of time, you'll confront your own bodily, emotional, or mental weaknesses. Whatever limitations you have, the pose will reveal them so that they can be addressed." Man, does this explain how I felt this week!!

We've been adding Humble and Proud Warrior to our practice for several weeks.
Proud Warrior is a slight back bend, our eyes directed to Heaven...
Proud Warrior remembers all that we have; our talents, achievements, strengths and joys are a gift from above.
In a smooth and controlled flow, we take our bow into Humble Warrior
(a posture requiring core stability, strength & balance)
Humble warrior realizes that we can only tap into our full and divine strength and potential when we bring ourselves to complete and honest humility.

As things started to crumble this week, I realized that they hit me so hard because I was taking each hit personally. I accepted a position of pride thinking I, alone, am in control. Somehow, I allowed myself to think I could have stopped the destruction, could have prevented the pain. In my pride, I took my gaze off the heavens- my source of strength, and took on a pure defensive approach. I gathered all my weapons and went to war- which left my body and soul feeling a lot beat up.

When I applied the application of Proud Warrior in my life practice, and took my gaze to the heavens, my perspective returned and I realized I am not in control! I can only pray and hope that lessons will be learned and wisdom will be gained from hardships AND good times!
With this perspective, I could flow into my bow and assume Humble Warrior-- accessing all my strength while standing in complete submission to the flow of the Divine.
I, alone, can do nothing. But I, with my higher self (with my Heavenly Father) am limited by nothing at all.
The secret to having it all is knowing that you already do.

And friends,

Oxnard, CA 2013

I know I already do :)

Rainstorms & Rainbows

I love my Thursday night yoga class-

No matter what I have previously planned, once the room fills there is an energy that takes over and leads us all on a magnificent journey of discovery, introspection and, more often than not, a little laughter.

A few weeks ago, as we began our standing and balance postures, the skies turned that eerie dark color that usually means severe weather is upon us. It was interesting that no matter what I tried to do or how I tried to focus, I could not balance in any of our postures. One by one the room began to empty of students. Those who remained watched as the dark clouds began their very ominous swirling as they slowly gathered into a large funnel in the distance-
Finally the room emptied of students as we all realized that the weather had won over our need for a yoga practice that night. As I ran to my car, I was pummeled by golf ball sized hail and puddles that were as deep as my ankles.

Tonight, weather was on my mind again as the rain fell wildly from the sky. I have lived in many states and experienced all sorts of weather conditions, but the rain storms of both Texas and Minnesota (actually I think it is the whole mid-section of the country) are unique in many ways. Rather than being a rain 'fall' it is more like a rain 'dump'-
rain literally falls from the sky in buckets! And the dark sky that accompanies the SEVERE weather systems can swallow the light of mid-day in a heart beat!

As I drove to yoga, watching the weather change rapidly, I thought about that class a few weeks ago that ended early because of the extreme weather. I remembered how out of balance I felt that night and how difficult it was to maintain any sort of focus in the class or in myself. I wondered if tonight would end the same way- no focus, no balance and a room being emptied of people who knew in a situation like this the only place anyone really wants to be is  home.

Luckily, the clouds tonight slowly gave way to peaceful skies. The energy in class was vibrant and full; we were focused and balanced as we found our flow and. Rather than the thoughts I had prepared, I shared thoughts of the rain in Minnesota-

Looking down at the MN I-35 Bridge collapse

Minnesota is naturally a very green state. Lots and lots and lots of trees- as a matter of fact, when we first got there from Arizona I told my husband that all the trees made me a little claustrophobic!

The head of the Mississippi River; Lake Itasca State Park, MN

He always thought that was funny since all the trees make that Minnesota air so clean and fresh!

McKinnley Elementary School; Ham Lake, MN

Anyway, as it goes with seasons, this green foliage eventually gave in to winter's harsh bite. Trees lost their leaves, flowers died, bushes went dormant and grass was covered by (thick, thick) blankets of snow.

Home, Sweet Snowy, Home; Ham Lake, MN

All Bundled Up

The first peek-a-boo's of spring green were always eagerly anticipated as winter finally got exhausted and relinquished it's hold on all living things. Every year, with excitement, we would nurture our plants and foliage back to life. Sprinkler timers were set, fertilizers spread, and outside clean up projects would commence. I loved these days as I prepared for my favorite of all seasons- Spring!

Yum, YUM!

No matter how much work I did to enliven the plants, there was something unique about the moisture of the spring rains; the greens were brighter, the lawns thicker, and the leaves larger in a very tangible way. In awe, I would admire the work Mother Nature could do in a 30 minutes- a work I couldn't compete with even when I tried.

As I shared these thoughts with my class, I suggested that they take in a little of the spiritual aspect of today's rain. Allowing the pains, worries or disappointments of life to be washed away and to allow the nourishing qualities of the rain to breathe new life- invigorated life- in their place.
A sweet student, one who had been in class the night of the severe weather, shared a picture she took that night after the storm blew over. It was a beautiful picture of a rainbow, complete end to end; her entire street lit by the pale sunset peeking through a few remaining clouds. No fancy photo editing, no expensive equipment- just an appreciating eye and the camera on her phone. Yet the picture captured God's bounty and mercy in simple and perfect detail!

Double Rainbow- McKinney, TX; Spring 2014

Make no mistake, storms will brew and clouds will swirl overhead, heavy and dark with the burden of too much pressure bursting to be released. Thunder will clap and lightening may strike as the feeling in the air (one you can almost taste, smell and see) gives hints of severe weather ahead!

As reliable as the setting sun, the clouds will empty their load allowing thirsty Earth to get her fill and her plants and produce to be nourished and refreshed. These loud and proud manifestations of stormy weather WILL give way to clear skies, sunshine and nourishment that simply cannot be reproduced in any way. The clouds will depart as the blue sky pushes them away, demanding room for the sun and it's light to shine through---

---and if we are lucky, and we hit it just right, AND we are watching exactly where we should be waiting, we will see a rainbow, a beautiful and vibrant rainbow, we may even catch a double rainbow-

Tempe, AZ; 2006

The reminder that life is settling down, that God is aware of our needs and He has prepared a way for life's storms to be washed away, leaving in their wake a beauty and bounty that only the storm can bring.

Let us allow ourselves the refreshing power of the rainstorm, offering thunderclaps that get our attention to changes we must make, flash flooding to give rise to our weaknesses and heavy winds to sweep them away; allowing the rains to refresh and cleanse before the air of conflict is pushed aside by blue skies and brighter days.

Blessings & Balance to you and yours-

Sugar is my Kryptonite

Hi, My name is Treisha,
and I'm an addict...

This is a little hard for me because I know there are so many mixed opinions out there. I also know that I don't really seem like the poster child for a sugar addiction and on the surface, I really could fool you into thinking I'm a pretty put together person.

photo courtesy of my 7 year old son

You're getting my deep down, heart and soul here. Your getting it because I've talked to more people than I can count over the past few weeks who are feeling overwhelmed, out of control, depressed, frustrated and plain old discouraged. If I could reach out and find a magic cure, I would in a heart beat, but the only thing I have to offer is what I know,what I've learned and my honest to goodness experience.

My littlest kiddo is the only one who takes pictures with me in them :)

So for that reason, I'm going to put it all out there, everything!

... okay, maybe not ALL out there- this gal knows that there are some parts of this story that are not ready to hang on the clothesline- not just yet anyway! But for some reason, my heart feels like this story needs to be told today.

I have not been shy about my sugar craziness over the years. If you've personally spent any time with me at all, you know that this is my "thang"-
I've laughed and called myself a "sugar addict" for years.

Ain't one person in this house afraid of raw eggs in the batter-

But it really wasn't a laughing matter- not if you understood what was going on in my head, my heart and my life. I've done some pretty insane things to hide this addiction or mask it in some way. I've been known to eat the rest of a pan of brownies while everyone is away at school and
a) made a new one and eaten the EXACT amount that was eaten the day before or
b) say I took them to the neighbor.

If you have been one of my neighbors, it is likely you got a treat once in a while from me so this story would be backed by evidence!

My favorite Christmas sin... Trader Jo's JO JO's dipped in chocolate & crushed candy canes

We "celebrate" everything with a trip to the treat store, just so I can get my "fix".
I have been known to plan my route home deliberately so I could pass by my favorite shops.
I know EVERY specialty bakery in EVERY town I frequent.

Our Nashville trip where we visited more cupcakery's than we did music sites!

And we've, more often than I will admit, eaten dessert instead of dinner.
I've done addiction recovery groups, tried meditation and medication and I've cleansed time and time again!

When I read this interview I actually sobbed, not for him- but for me!
Though it sounds so silly and just a little over dramatic- I know it does- but it is how I have felt.

Before we head on I'm going to say two things:

First- I'm going to say, "YES" I know there are some who truly don't GET this! They just don't see how you cannot drive by the FroYo store and stop for frozen deliciousness. They don't understand why you need a "treat" several times a day or several times an hour! They truly don't get why you can't exercise good ole' fashion self control in the midst of cookies, cakes and ice cream!

So I'd like to say to these people, read on anyway- because you know what, there's a GOOD chance you know someone just like me who really struggles. Read with an open mind, because you might learn something and actually be able to help someone.

Second- I'm going to give you a quick tutorial on CANDIDA!

Candida grows naturally in our guts. Like the yeast you use to make breads, candida thrives with sugar. If you've never seen this, add warm water to yeast in one bowl and warm water to yeast and sugar in another- YUP, that's what happens in your gut when you eat sugar. You literally grow a little candida monster blob! Every bite of sugar, every bite of bread- feeds that monster and he just keeps growing! He's not shy and he WILL find a place to reside, which means he WILL continue to get bigger and bigger with every opportunity he gets.

Well, in simple terms, Mr. Candida monster don't want to die! He likes this nice little home he's got set up in your gut. So when you try to starve him of his sugar, he gets HUNGRY- think cookie monster hungry! And this hunger releases a toxin in your system. This toxin causes headaches, fatigue, swelling, bloating, foggy mind, irritability and and lethargy. So you know what you "think" you want- sugar! And what really sucks is that the sugar works- for the moment. But Mr. Candida man only cares about the minute, because now he's had his fix and he knows how to get the next fix and the next. And every time you give in, your brain agrees with Mr. Candida that sugar really does make you feel better. Man, talk about a vicious cycle!

But here is where the addict part of it kicks your butt! So you've tried, you really have! But Mr. Candida blob keeps getting up in your face and gettin' you down. So you start kicking too. You try harder and harder. And every time you try, you feel awesome. And every time you fail, you feel- well not so awesome! Negative mind chatter fills your head and you spiral- said spiral sends you to the store or the kitchen to bake. And you bake and you share your goodies and you feel good. Until you don't. And then you start the whole process again. Man, I'm feeling the weight of it all, and I'm just writing about it!

So here is my personal story:

I am 45 (or 44, I never can keep it straight). I am healthy, active and educated. Okay, I do have lupus, but for some reason, I still consider myself healthy. And thank you very much, I am currently in remission, so I can for sure claim that "healthy" status!
I was a skinny kid but a plump teenager. Actually, I was a "fluffy" teenager more than "fat", which I've learned a lot about in my quest for health and now I understand the difference. I was active in my youth, and as an adult I fell in LOVE with group fitness. I'm not a runner, though I am frightfully envious of people who can run marathons.

I'd rather lift weights any day, but I know cardio is important, so I find the best workout instructors around and follow their classes faithfully. Almost a decade ago, I added yoga to my workout drill and haven't looked back. I actually just completed a Yoga Teacher Training and teach between 4 and 6 classes a week- which I LOVE!!!! Bringing yoga into my fitness routine has benefited more than my body.

A little balanced living in the Carribbean

I've always been a treat lover. I have a lot of happy memories that are centered around baking and eating sweets. I had a little bit of a rocky childhood, but I believe we only have to hold on to what we want to hold- so I hold on to my happy memories and have learned to flush the bad. So naturally, a lot of my memories revolve around sweet treats, eating and big family gatherings (dysfunction always hides for a family reunion, especially once the dessert tray comes out).

My husband loves to tell the story of our first formal GALA. We'd moved past poor college years and he was working for a great company. Each year they held a Gala to celebrate and recognize their employees. We were sitting at the table with his colleagues and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the dessert tables being set up. Faithfully, I watched EVERY step they made. I whispered to our server that I wanted to be the first one at that table, so he needed to come and tell me right before they made the announcement that dessert was being served. I was chatting with my hubby's boss (yes, it had to be the boss) about skiing- just than I see the server coming my way and I know what is coming- he motions me to join him and "Yes, mid sentence, I leap from the table, (my husband says I scaled tables- I don't remember it that way at all) and walk (okay, maybe gallop) to the dessert table. Man, it was worth it and I sampled EVERYTHING!!

I tell you this, because it is the perfect story to illustrate who lies within me! The problem (to some it seems like a blessing) is that I've always had this amazing metabolism! This has been a blessing in that it has kept me from being 6000 pounds, which surely I would be under different circumstances. BUT, it has allowed me to get really out of control of this crazy, big problem.

I first started thinking that sugar could be causing me a problem when I was pregnant with my third child. With both babies #1 and #2, I gained a lot of weight, but again it was that "fluffy" weight! Really, really swollen- but I had morning, noon and night sickness and vomited constantly.
Because I was a high risk pregnancy, my docs watched the weight, but more than anything they were watching how lupus was going to treat these pregnancies.
After each baby, I lost the weight and more, so by the time I got pregnant with baby #3, I was 10 pounds under my normal weight and the docs stopped thinking about my weight gain altogether.

My lupus didn't like baby #3 at all, and tried to get rid of her very early. I'd already done my fair share of bed rest with the others, but with her, I was down for the count.
Because I spent sooooo much time in bed, I had time to pay attention to when and what I threw up.
I craved treats like nothing else in the land! I've never been a "salty" craver- but man, I love me a Hard Rock Cafe style Brownie Sundae!
I got sick every time I ate sugar-
I mean EVERY time!!!
But the more I tried to quit eating it, the more I craved it- which in turn led to the more I got sick.

Well that was the beginning, but it was long before we ever started learning about Candida, sugar addictions and toxins in our systems. Long before gluten free was trendy and waaaayyyy long before palio, atkins, and south beach! So I kind of sounded like a fruit cake when I mentioned this to anyone.
I chalked it up as weird pregnancy stuff and really only thought about it while hunched over the toilets for pregnancies 4,5  and 6! Again, the fact that I didn't have a weight problem led my docs to not really put any weight into what I was telling them.

Side bar here----> please know ONLY you own your health- you are YOUR expert, if your gut says something, go with your gut!

Fast forward several years and I enter a MAJOR flare up with my lupus. No one can figure out why it flared with such a vengeance and there is nothing we can do to get it under control.
In the meantime, I am learning as much as I can about health and wellness. I've seen a HUGE change in my health since I started yoga, so I begin to study mind and balance and holistic living.
It took six years before these two worlds- massive lupus flare and balanced living- would come head to head and there could only be one winner-

Well, balanced living won- (there's more to that story for another day)

I started playing with my diet and my food intake. I found an amazing doctor who was my advocate all along the way and I had a Rheumatologist at the time who was incredibly supportive. I realized some common ailments when I ate sugary goodness: my fingers and face would swell, I would develop a red rash all over my fingers, I had arthritis type flares in my knees and hips and I suffered from horrible insomnia. EVERY single time, I would say, "look at that, I just can't believe this is sugar". And EVERY single time, I would stay away from sugar for a time and YUP!!! I'd be right back at it! I always had an excuse, or a new plan or a new justification (but it's my birthday)!

thank goodness my cupcake obsession has finally been released

If I was an alcoholic, I can guarantee my family would NOT have let me continue to drink- but sugar is socially acceptable. Not only is it socially acceptable, but it is almost worshiped! Don't believe me?? Count how many donut, cupcake or bundt cake specialty stores in your area- We flock to sugar in our country! There are more treat stores in my town than liquor stores that's for darn sure!! How often do you see people bring sliced apples to a pot luck and how often do you hear a parent offer ice cream to a kiddo who is good while shopping??? When was the last celebration you had with NO sugary goodness on the table?

I love me a fresh cream puff stuffed with ice cream & topped with gooey goodness

So here I sit, five years after I started this journey of discovery. I am more educated, I am an advocate of whole health wellness, I monitor EVERY thing I eat- I check labels, don't touch white flour or rice to save my life, avoid processed anything, make my own 'almost everything' and rarely drink anything other than water. I exercise faithfully and I try desperately to treat illness and ailments holistically.

But gosh darn it, those sugary things somehow still haunt me and somehow they make it past all my food policing and get through. And every single time, I look down at my fingers and think "I just can't believe this is because of sugar". And every time I go through the same self abuse-
EVERY! SINGLE! TIME!

Salted Caramel Cupcakes with Pretzel Crust

This is all I have to offer you- this is what I've learned.
You can make changes, you really can! And you can eat a cookie- you really can!!
Your not a failure. You're not doomed to failure. You are not doomed to feeling like crap ALL the time!

One of our favorite desserts for guest nights- Baked S'mores

Because yoga can vary from person to person and really even from day to day- I LOVE to offer variations to the poses and to teach some of the more advanced postures. I always coax my classes to try something new, even if it means falling! Falling isn't bad- it's only by falling that we learn to get back up.
And it's in the "Get Back Up" that we learn anything worth learning.
But if you never try, you never fall- and if you never fall, you never learn to get back up.

I know from experience that eliminating sugar, flour and processed foods has benefited my health and wellness. I know it because I've fallen more times than I can count.
But I've always gotten back up and each time, I'm a little stronger-
a little smarter and a little more prepared for the challenges that I might face.

My favorite- strawberry lemonade!

I had an awesome massage therapist who sat me down one day, held onto my shoulders and looked me square in the eyes
(You might want to know that my massage therapist is 6'5" with muscles to rival Rockie!)
and said "God does not mistakes Miss Treisha! He did not make a mistake with you, He did not make a mistake with me. In 6,000 years and more, He has made no mistake- you take this moment and enjoy it for what it is!"

So, I'm saying the same thing to you,
My friend, God does not make mistakes. This journey you are on will benefit someone, somewhere, sometime. Just learn, grow and keep moving forward-
Find something wonderful to say to yourself,
and say it EVERY time you start to think those self negating things that we say to ourselves-
those same things we would be shamed to say to anyone else
and would never dare let others know this is how we talk to ourselves!

Blessings & Balance to you and yours,

Try Something New- Do Something Different

I taught an awesome Yoga class today-

They were as diverse a group as you can get; all ages, sizes, experience and a group of men & women!

It was a Power Yoga class, and I'm here to say- I teach a hard power class! These people are building muscle- this ain't that "stretch and sleep" yoga but a 'come out sweaty from head to toe' YOGA!

As we opened the practice, I encouraged them to do a body scan of their body. This is easy to do- close down your eyes and as you begin to pay attention to your breath, travel up your body from toes to forehead, concentrating on one body part with each inhale/exhale breath cycle. As you scan, just pay attention to anywhere in your body where you might be storing stress, guilt, tightness, anxiety! You'd be surprised, we hold a wad of emotional garbage in our bodies- this awareness allows you to send that (fillintheblank) out of your body with each exhale-

We then set an intention for our practice to replace all the emotional garbage we just emptied with creativity and adventure! "We are going to need this creativity and adventure later in the practice" I warned them!

(I'm afraid I may have scared some people with that comment- but luckily they ALL stayed)

Because I had such a diverse group, I gave them variations on our poses depending on their abilities and experience. Though I gave them a wide range of options, I encouraged them to draw upon that "creativity and adventure" that we had brought into our minds and now bring it to the mat.
I was SO excited as I saw most people at least attempt an arm balance or a bind or any variety of NEWNESS to their practice.

This philosophy doesn't just exist on the yoga mat however. I have a FAV instructor at the gym and she reminds us often to add more weight if we are comfortable or mix up our workout routines. There is NO growth in comfortable and NO excitement in complacency.

I love this web talk by David Eagleman about How to Slow Down Time! It is worth the ten minutes it will take you to watch it. I love that the simple and VERY conscious act of switching up our routines can add enough impact to our lives that time literally slows down.

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I am taking a Time Management class for school and we have been discussing just how many decisions we make on a daily basis that we DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT! These are BIG decisions, some with BIG consequences! Have you ever been driving down the road and all of a sudden realize you're on the way to the wrong place? Or wondered how you got to where you are? Life is RACING before us because we live on autopilot more than we live in the moment.

Take a moment today, just a few moments to do a body scan-
Where do you feel tension? Where do you feel ease?

Encourage the ease, release the tension and than go forward with your day with an eye to Newness, and eye to Adventure, and eye to Enjoying the very moment you are in RIGHT NOW!
Where you are going WILL happen! What you need to do WILL get done! The difference you're going to make is that you are going to ENJOY the JOURNEY-
I'm telling you, this is a GREAT JOURNEY of life we are on,
it just takes a little balance to see it-

Find your Balance &
You'll see the Beauty

Blessings & Balance,
Treisha

Bloom Where You Are Planted

I have been thinking about this for several days
and decided that the thought needed to be put
into writing- maybe just for me-
but hopefully for you too.

I am almost 100% sure that I am not the only
mom/woman/human/adult (pick your noun)
who worries about the life they are living
and if it is the life they should be or COULD be living!

I have been really been struggling since we made
this most recent move!
It's been almost 2 years, for crying out loud-
and I just can't seem to get any semblance of
BELONGING!

Honestly it is the weirdest thing...
I wish I could explain it without sounding WEIRD!

Anyway,
I have offered many prayers on this matter and
a few days ago, I feel that I got a mini-answer
Maybe not an answer,
but definitely a little bit of an understanding.

You see,
I feel like I've been holding back since we moved to Texas-
definitely not on purpose,
and definitely not on everything...
but I've been holding back those things that I love-
love to share, love to create and love to do!

For 9 years we lived somewhere that we loved-

Our beautiful home in small town MN

kind people, great friends, awesome experiences!

Pig Roast in a garage- classic MN entertaining venue

I loved to decorate, craft, scrapbook, sew

Ten years of Ornament Exchange ornamentation- my favorite tradition EVER!!

and mostly I loved to host...

Andover Ward Ten Year Anniversary

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING-

I loved to find a reason to have a bunch
of people together laughing and having a good time!

6th Annual 4th of July Bike Parade

We had a lot of space,

Human Foosball at our 'Nothing Like a Good Friend Party'

a lot of flexibility

Ice Hockey on our Front Yard Pond

and it was simply what I LOVED to do...

Every good Bike Parade ends with a game of Water Baseball

I started hearing some pretty unkind criticism of
the things I loved to do,
and I noticed that I started to hold back and feel
anxious when I wanted to host a party or an activity-
I tried so hard to not allow the unkind remarks of some
to influence my heart,
but I fell prey to human emotion
and the remarks left a sting.

And then we moved...
No one knew me, which meant
no one knew what I did in my spare time
or what talents or skills I had or didn't have

and I found that I became a different version of ME!

We became Beach Bumms to the MAX

To be honest, I liked this version of me quite a bit too...
weekends at the beach,

Muscle Beach... always a FAV

Any Day is a Beach Day

lunch with friends, shopping in the city-
my husband has teased that I was on a 3 year play date :)

And because I felt like a blank slate,
I incorporated some things into my life that I hadn't
taken enough time for before-

Yoga moved from an exercise routine to a way of life

Over time, I started to add some of the old me back
into my life and things were really starting to click
that this could be my new HOME!

Pasta Parties before a Swim Meet

Kids in the Kitchen cooking classes

AND THEN WE MOVED AGAIN!

and I feel like a clean slate that just doesn't dare to be
inked up or colored on.
But I also feel a little lost and a lot lonely-


Now I want to take a minute to say, that
there are some things that I have added to my life
because of where I am emotionally that I LOVE-

So I'm not a male accordion player- but I do spend a lot of time in peaceful contentment

and honestly I wouldn't trade these things for the world-
or for either of my past lives!
 
But it doesn't change the fact that I feel a little disconnected...

So as I was praying one day,
desperate for guidance or understanding,
I envisioned a beautiful flower-

alone in a meadow.
Though the flower was alone amongst all the green foliage,
it was blossoming in it's full glory-
big, colorful and full of God's splendor.

I realized that not for one moment did that flower
hesitate to bloom,

never once did it question how long it
would be able to sustain that blossom nor did it ask
how many people would get to see it's beauty-

The flower blossomed because it was time
AND that is what it was created to do-
to reach it's full potential,
to magnify the measure of its creation.

I thought about this ALL day-
and I asked myself a lot of questions.

Why am I holding back?
What am I holding back?
Who am I waiting to give me permission to live the life
I want to live?
Why do I think it matters where I live to fulfill the full
measure of MY creation?

I loved this visual aid that Heavenly Father gave me.
I do better when I can SEE the lesson-
and I could SEE this!
Not only could I see the flower imagery,
but I could apply it into my own life.

I understand a little more why I feel so disconnected
AND more importantly,
I understand what I need to do to fix it-

I need to consider my life as a wonderful journey-
similar to a walk in a park with little kids!

My kiddos could walk along and gather
anything and everything-
rocks, sticks, leaves...
At the end of the day they were the same
beautiful kids they were at days beginning
(probably a little dirtier)
BUT they had gathered a lot of little treasures to take home with them!
Some treasures we keep,

It's not what you do, but who you do it with that really matters

some we outgrow or leave behind

These treasures moved on to their own bigger and better...

and some are precious enough to display...

Some people come into your life long enough to make a forever imprint on your heart

I just happen to be walking through a much larger park :)

I just need to remember that we have gathered some amazing treasures over the years

Enjoy your day
Enjoy where you are right now
And never let a single day pass by
without living up to the full potential of THAT DAY